Recognize how you are being emotionally restimulated/bias
-Breath and sensation/recognize emotion in your body
-Self-questioning/when have I felt this before/past issues
-Ground in present time through your breath and attention
Separate the person from the problem
-Name the problem, i.e. scarcity, feeling left out, not feeling safe
-Recognize what is needed, i.e. inclusion, recognition, safety
Name the stakeholders
-Who is connected to the outcome, i.e. family, friend, employer, and neighbor?
– How are they connected? What do they need?
Ask questions about interests, not positions
-Name each person’s position in the conflict/fixed, visible
-Uncover interests below the position. i.e. reputation, fear, insecurity, pleasing someone else
Name goals
-Recognize what your goals are/other party’s goals
-Recognize what the collective goals are
Reframe words/phrases that are adversarial
-Notice when you use adversarial language – he/she/they did this to me, which escalates from blame to shame to accusation
-Speak from your experience and perception – when I hear this…, I feel this…
Listen empathically to perspectives/stories
-Agree to listen, expect to be heard
-Listen actively to each other’s story/in turn witness and support the other